1) I have a sneaking suspicion that one day, while removing the excessive amount of packaging* from a new shipment of the tiny plastic animals we keep in bins throughout the store, I’m going to pull on the plastic wrap too hard and send a ballistic three-inch-tall alpaca directly into some kid’s eye by accident. I just wanted the fact that this would be totally unintentional recorded here for posterity, so I can use it for evidence when I’m charged with Assault with a Deadly Akhal-Teke Stallion.
2) When checking in said animals, I always get a little annoyed when I see the “Red Tailed Deer, Cow”** line on the packing slip because I’m convinced there’s an implied “You” in there.
3) Dear small plastic animal manufacturers: That is not a crocodile. It is an alligator. Just trust me on this one, I know the difference.
*Hundreds of tiny animals individually wrapped in plastic and cardboard? Are you shitting me? Why is this necessary, they are solid fucking plastic.
** German company, so all lines on the shipping list are translated. I’d like to assume they meant to write “Red Tailed Deer, Doe” as all other female deer are correctly identified as does, but I really consider it further proof that they’re trying to insult me, personally, with that “misprint.”