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M: The only big problem I have with that new HBO show Girls is that the dude who plays Adam is fucking gross.
R: Gross? Seriously? I have to see a picture of this guy.
M: Okay, here.
R: That guy is gross?
M: Correction: that guy is nasty.
R: Nasty? He looks pretty average.
M: Nasty. Eight out of ten Helens agree.
R: Okay. So, just for comparisons’ sake, if you had to choose – like, gun to your head – would you rather have sex with that dude or the dude who plays Theon on Game of Thrones?
M: Alfie Allen? Fuck. Do I have to look at him?
R: No, you can face away.
M: Ugh. No. I’ll take death rather than those two.
R: For real? Okay, okay. Who’s old? I’ve got it: Adam from Girls or Sean Connery?
M: Hell, no matter how old and crusty Sean Connery gets I’d probably go with him just for the story. ‘Cause it would be an insane and awesome story. Pointless question.
R: Damn, you’re right. What the hell was I thinking? I mean, I’d probably do Sean Connery just for the story.
M: Wait – are we assuming Mr. Connery is wearing a condom?
R: An important consideration.
M: Because neither of us should risk getting herpes just for a story.

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