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Today is Easter, or, as I like to call it, a Sunday in April. Of course this means that I’d forgotten that about half the places in town are closed and I’d planned on running errands today. Bravo, me. Last night at about 11 pm I realized today was a holiday and figured I’d just put my errands off until Tuesday, but when I woke up this morning I found my router completely dead.*

Now, I’m a world-class procrastinator when it comes to replacing moderately expensive (read: over ten bucks) items. Jeans got a hole in them? Fuck it, wear them for another three months. Broken ten dishes? Looks like I’m just going to have to hand wash the two remaining immediately after using. But go a day without internet? I’ll cut a bitch. So I decided to drive all over town trying to find a damned router. Best Buy and Target were, unfortunately, closed, but I did manage to find a router at my local grocery store. I probably paid about $20 over what I could have paid for it, but whatever.  I have internet again.

However, before the return of internet I had to wait a few hours while R set up the new router, and got passwords and encryption dealt with.  And in those few hours, holy hell, I got so much done. Some IKEA stuff got put together, I cleaned out our hall closet, I reorganized the pantry and got all the bulk goods out of baggies and into jars, made lunch, moved the Christmas tree stand to our basement storage locker,** and I could go on listing all the other household chores I accomplished but the first part of this sentence is so boring I’ll spare you. The point is that it was a hell of a lot of stuff and I’ve come to the conclusion – based entirely on today’s use of time – that if the internet suddenly died, I would probably be able to cure cancer, write the Great American Novel, and discover the secret of cold fusion in, oh, a few weeks.*** Unfortunately for everyone, I have too deep a love of mocking terrible blogs and searching for new .gifs that feature the phrase Like I Give A Fuck to give up the internet voluntarily, so these great achievements will have to wait for a day when my power goes out.

So anyway, happy Easter to those of you who care, and happy April 8th to those of you who don’t.

* Just think, if it had died on Good Friday I could have waited three days and saved myself $70! *rimshot*
** Yes, four months after removing the tree we put the stand away. Our stuffed monkey is also still wearing his Santa hat, so there.
*** And I’m only pretty smart, so just think of all the shit actual intelligent people could accomplish without such wonderful time wasters as #whatshouldwecallme.