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The day fourteen book question is “which book character do you want to marry?” and it is just so god-awful I can’t even make fun of it.* Really? Am I twelve? No. I don’t harbor fantasies – fleeting or otherwise – about marrying fictional characters. So there, done.

On another note, I was looking at my traffic page and noticed two odd things.

First, WordPress has added a locations map to the stats section, so you can see which countries your visitors are from. My reaction is two-part: 1) HELLO INDONESIA! I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING FUN HERE! and 2) I get a little weirded out by non-US and Canadian visitors because for half a second I wonder how they found my blog as I am so very far away from them. Then I take my dumbass hat off and remember that the internet does not work like that. Further proof I shouldn’t be trusted around small children or sharp objects.

Second, do you remember this post about the guy Googling frantically to discover the source of his nasal congestion? Well, he is still fucking at it. In fact, he has been so congested for so long that this is now the top Google search term for my blog. Jesus H. Christ. Here, dude, let me try to help you out: if you can’t breathe through your nose you’re either disturbingly congested or you have a giant, fuck-off tumor. In case of the former, go to your doctor and get some anti-inflammatories. If you’re not able to do this on your own, chances are you’re under eighteen and you really ought to check in with your mom before you consult the internet for medical advice. In case of the latter, well, best of luck sorting that out. Hint: the best course of action is not to Google “can’t breathe through my nose fuck off tumor.” Knowing the internet, that will only result in a hundred links to pages telling you you’ll die, and two or three links to lemonparty.** Try something else first.

* One of two. Go ahead and try to guess the other one! You’ll never get it.
** No one knows why, there are just always a couple of links to lemonparty.***
***Which, in all honesty, isn’t terrible. It’s just old dudes. I’m not interested in it, but it’s not fundamentally wrong like tubgirl. Why the fuck is that image still around?****
**** If you are not one of the initiated, for the love of god, do not Google that image. Just walk away because, as I’ve said before, your life is far richer than mine. If you absolutely must know, at least take yourself to Urban Dictionary instead of Google.

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