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Today, I’m supposed to name a book I can recite or quote. The answer is “way too fucking many.” This whole book challenge is starting to make me feel like that dude from Blind Melon.

Instead of listing half the books on my bookshelf, I’ll instead distill it to two books. The serious option is Catch-22. The comedy option is 99% of Havelock Vetinari’s lines in the Discworld series.

Catch-22 is awesome, amazingly quotable and pretty much the perfect book for anyone with a black sense of humor and the deep belief that warfare is one of the most inane and nonsensical things humanity has ever come up with.* I can’t really say much about it other than if you have not read it, please do. If you did and didn’t like it, I don’t know what to say to you because my jaw is on the floor.

As for the comedy option, well, Havelock Vetinari is pretty much the perfect not-quite-benevolent dictator and everyone should know what he thinks about everything. Which is impossible, because you can’t actually understand how Vetinari thinks. He’s just that good. So we all lose, and Vetinari wins.** Which is exactly what he planned from the beginning. Fuck! I told you he was good.

On a completely non-book related side note, I’m currently drinking a glass of mead, which is odd. It’s the drink of the Vikings – the fucking Vikings – so if you’re anything like me and R you pictured mead, before you knew how it was made,*** as being some sort of thick, bready, stouty beer, the sort of thing you could practically live off of for weeks on end. Instead, it tastes like white wine with some honey stirred in. So basically the Vikings, men of men, conquerors of conquerors, and despoilers of Dark Age coastal towns everywhere, sat around getting shitfaced on something that tastes like a beverage forty year old women drink on a Girl’s Night Out while they laugh about how naughty they are. This world is full of surprises.

Edited for idiotic spelling mistakes.

* I’m including reality television and blogging in this category, so trust me when I say that in my personal assessment of humanity war has some serious contenders for inanity.
** Yes, in the Contest of Awesome we all just got our pants beaten off by a fictional character.
*** Fermented honey, if you didn’t know and were wondering.

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