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Hi everyone who just found this through Freshly Pressed! Thank you for visiting.
Edited a second time to add: There seems to be a wee bit of confusion. I’m from Florida but I recently moved to the Pacific Northwest. So no, Florida didn’t get a couple of inches of snow in the middle of the day, this is just my first winter in a place that occasionally gets snow.
Yesterday I made a brief trip to the library and the store during a short, pretty light snowstorm. I’m sure about 75% of you can accomplish this without utter confusion, but as I’m from Florida and my only real experiences with snow have been a) brief and b) of the “I’m on a mountain, gotta bundle up!” variety, it was an odd experience for me. As a public service to my fellow Floridians, I give you: Walking Outside While It’s Snowing for Floridians.
2:00 pm: Decide to run an errand
Look outside first and see that it is, lightly, snowing. Yay! As someone from sunny Florida, you have seen snow a grand total of four times in your life, so be excited. Get dressed as if you’re going outside on a non-snowy day: coat plus mittens, regular shoes.
2:01 pm: Wow, it’s snowing!
Bask in the awesomeness that is frozen water coming from the sky. Act like a three-year-old and attempt to catch snowflakes on tongue. Generally behave like a doofus.
2:03 pm: Realize it’s starting to snow a lot more heavily
Wow, the snow’s starting to come down pretty quickly, and in big, fat flakes. Whatevs, it’s still too warm for it to stay on the ground or anything.
2:04 pm: Begin to realize that snow doesn’t fall straight down, it gets blown fucking everywhere
Including, but not limited to: up under your big coat hem, under your coat sleeves,* in your eye.
2:05 pm: Make it to the library
Ah. Nice and warm in here. Now, what’s all this frozen water doing on your coat?
2:08 pm: Leave library, still think walking in the snow is cool
Who cares if you’re getting hit in the face with snowflakes and you are inexplicably damp? It’s snowing! That only happens in the movies!
2:09 pm: Remember snow is just fancy frozen rain
Realization will dawn after idly wondering why your sweater cuffs, mittens, pants and feet are a bit damp in spite of the fact that it isn’t raining. Curse the melting snow. It should stay pretty and frozen, like in the movies.
2:10 pm: Reach grocery store, see other customers, realize you are inappropriately attired
You should have at least put a fucking hat on, or some sort of waterproof top layer. The wool coat was just stupid. Boots would have been a smart move, too, you Southern idiot. Say a momentary prayer of thanks that you have only a few minutes to walk home and the snow is really light.
2:20 pm: Leave grocery store, realize snow is on the ground
Okay, so it’s only on the ground in the shade and on lighter colored cars, and it’s rapidly melting, but still: snow on the ground. Shit just got real. Avoid bending over and poking at it in front of other adults; unlike the snowflakes-on-the-tongue thing, this just makes you look mentally deficient. However, if there are only kids around, have at it.
2:21 pm: Remember you’re not from around here
When the sun comes out and it’s still snowing, everyone else will look up and think it’s awesome. But not you, because sunshowers are so common in Florida that you’re just like, “dammit, I should have brought my sunglasses along.”
2:22 pm: Get angry with nature
The snow has stopped. Boo, hiss, Mother Nature. Boo, hiss.
2:24 pm: Forget the most basic laws of physics
Wonder why, if it’s no longer snowing, there is water dripping on you from the trees. Remember high school physics and realize that snow, caught in trees, will melt once the sun comes out and dribble all over you. Curse your tree-lined route home.
2:26 pm: Forget that snow is frozen water for the one-millionth time in the past twenty-six minutes
Enter house still slightly snow-covered and completely forget to brush your jacket off outside until your husband tells you to stop dripping all over the dining room.
There you have it, fellow Floridians: prepare to make a complete ass of yourself the first time you venture out to do normal people things in snow. Also, wear a raincoat and a hat, like everyone else. Just saying.
*Why yes, my coat is comically too big, why do you ask?
somesummersunday 
Yep. I bought a pea coat when I moved to Seattle. Never considered the rain, just thought about the cold. Rookie mistake!
The sad thing is I actually have a raincoat, I just haven’t fully equated snow with water yet. It’s still some sort of magical cotton fluff that falls from the sky to me. Oh well. I’ll adjust, I’m sure.
Haha, that is pretty funny but you’ll get the hang of it! You can definitely tell the people that have come from other states just by looking at how they drive when it snows. It’s almost as if they’re trying to balance a cake that’s on top of a pole that’s on top of the hood of their car.
100% accurate by the way.
Oh Jesus I will not drive in the snow. This is what public transportation and legs are for. (Nothing pissed me off more in FL than people who could not either drive competently in a massive downpour or pull over to the side until it passed. I’m looking at you, So-Cal people. I won’t cause that kind of rage in anyone.) Also – the Denver poster? Yeah, that was my experience both times I went there.
Excuse me, but it is currently snowing outside. I’m going to go poke at the tiny accumulation!
Definitely 😀 The worst at driving in the snow for sure. Haha, right? I’m pretty sure I ran over some wampas or whatever the hell those things are…
And enjoy that snow! It’s seems to be lacking where I live nowadays 😦
I wish I could like this many, many times…
🙂
As a northern Nevadan — living in the shadow of the Sierra Nevada Mountains — I may not need these lessons. But I’ve been around enough Southern Californians to know that snow can be alarming!
Very funny stuff. And anyone who uses the word “fucking” in a post gets my kudos — because that’s my favorite word in the whole English language. Seriously.
I was actually pretty surprised when I saw it got Pressed because of how foul my language usually is. But yes, fuck is a top-ten word for me. So versatile! So emphatic! 🙂
I respectfully disagree, though I liked the post.
Swearwords are like hammers; used correctly and sparingly they can be effective – but some people will use them to fix everything.
Depending on the user and situation they can be powerful in smaller doses. I feel I’m hyperbolic enough here that my swearing doesn’t necessarily hurt things, so I feel no need to rein it in. If people criticize it, well, I’ll just have to deal. Will I ever tone it down on this? I have no clue, as writing styles change. I’ll also fully admit that I swear like a sailor just about everywhere I won’t be fired for doing so (working at a summer camp was interesting for me, to say the least) and will love “fuck” until the day I die. But that’s one of the beauties of language – everyone gets to chose the words they like the most!
Thanks for commenting, and the respectful disagreement. Now if you’ll excuse me, my cell phone is on the blink and I need to find my hammer so I can get it working properly. 😉
Hilarious post! I’m sure many people will thank you for this information. I can handle the snow alright, as I’ve lived in cold/snowy and warm/tropical locations, although I’m still learning to drive in the snow… Congrats on being freshly pressed!
I do not think I could ever drive in snow… I remember R and I drove into Denver from the mountains during a light snow one winter and I was white-knuckling it the whole way because I could not handle the mere idea of driving.
Thanks, and thank you for dropping in!
LOVE THIS! I am from Wisconsin and transplanted in Boulder, Colorado 25 years ago and I still react like that to the first snowstorm. We ski almost every weekend in the winter and you would think that by now I would be over it…I think it is absolutely beautiful soaking hair, coat, mittens and all!
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
I absolutely love snow, too. I think it’s mainly from spending every winter cursing the fact that we didn’t ever have snow days. I hope it never gets old for me, and your comment gives me hope that it won’t.
Thanks for coming by!
Reblogged this on finnegan2749.
i just loved reading your post !!
its brilliant
so much can happen in half an hour i mean 26 mins 😀 !!
” Forget that snow is frozen water for the one-millionth time in the past twenty-six minutes ” — really funny !!!
Good blog. Very nice. I’m new come visit.
Brilliantly funny. I in Ohio, but a few years ago will on the northern Gulf Coast in February, a band of snow fell on a line from Mobile to Tallahassee and northward. Heck, as much as 7 inches 50 miles from the beach. It was interesting to see the reaction and news coverage. Well done!
Oh man, I remember that. I have some family and friends in Tallahassee, they were all calling me. It was pretty funny, even to those of us who never get snow!
Thanks for visiting!
I feel your pain. Sorta. Where I live it’s snowed twice in 40 years. One time it stuck for a few hours.
Yeah, even though I’m a lot farther north, snow is still a rarity here. But I do love it when it happens. It’s just so pretty!
so, we had flurries here in TN the other day (rare) and I had to drive home in them. I DON’T DRIVE IN SNOW. I know my limitations. So, this was a novelty much like your adventure. long story short, as snow was blowing around on the interstate surface in the light of my headlights, I thought to myself that it was like driving at the beach with sand blowing around. (yes, I can hear the snow-skilled drivers laughing out loud).
Oh man I know I’ve already said it but driving in snow terrifies me. I probably would have pulled over, and I’m willing and able to drive in full blown tropical storms.
That was hilarious 😀 never experienced snowfall until now .
Very Funny!
Very funny post! I too am a Floridan. I lived in the Chicago area for four years. Your post certainly brought back many memories – including my first drive in the snow. Luckily it was on a street with no traffic because, as I applied my brakes at a stop sign, my car decided to spine a few times before I could get control of it again! No crash, no injuries… Just a terrifying memory.
Yeek! I’ve never had my car spin out on me, that must have been pretty terrifying. I’m glad another Floridian can relate… The first “real snow” is so fun.
Thanks for coming by!
There’s also the issue of walking through the snow/ice when it DOES start to stay on the ground. It took a friend of mine almost half the winter to figure out how to walk on slippery sidewalks without falling her first year in Canada ;p
I’m so lucky because we don’t really get ice or much snow on the ground where I live. We do have one corner on our catwalk that inexplicably ices up any time the air temperature hits 32 degrees, though. I’ll admit I always forget at nearly take a spill. Luckily it’s pretty far from the stairs so my risk of serious injury isn’t too high.
Thanks for commenting!
I live in NY and well, do I have to say it? lol. Snow is great if you’re in the mountains, but when you’re in the city and it snows, all hell breaks loose. People become clueless and stuck. Geesh, wish I was in Florida :0)
val
http://valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com
The only time I’ve been to NYC it snowed while I was walking around. It was great because it didn’t stick, so it was just really pretty without completely mucking up the traffic and the sidewalks.
Florida’s nice this time of year, but be glad you’re in NY come May. You really don’t want to deal with the summer heat!
Thanks for commenting!
When I was a kid in the snow, some friends and I put snow in a friend’s wellies (do you have those in Florida?) then pushed him down a hillside in half a plastic barrel.
His feet were so cold and numb that he couldn’t get up again and had to pull himself along the ground (and more snow) to get home. This also included going up over a bridge, which I can’t remember how he did it.
We called it a ‘sluggy’
Yep, we’ve got torrential rain, so we’re familiar with wellies. Although for some reason most Floridians are perversely proud of their ability to withstand all weather while wearing flip-flops, so we hardly ever actually use them.
If you ever remember how that kid got over the bridge, let me know. It sounds pretty bad ass.
Thanks for coming by!
Pingback: A northern view of winter in the south « Not Just Sassy on the Inside
In the South there’s a slim-to-no chance of even coming across the proper jacket for snowy days. I tried to convince my Texan Hubby to buy and pack thermal long underwear for our trip to Canada, he got them and was happy he did. The temperature dropped to -20C when we arrived. And there was plenty of snowfall to go walking in, layered up of course!
Oddly enough they ship a lot of winter jackets to Florida in February. I think it’s northern stores clearing out their stock and moving it all down to Florida in the hope some snowbirds will buy them. Kind of like how we always get huge amounts of flip-flops showing up in stores in October when the northern stores can’t sell them anymore…
Thanks for coming by!
I do not like snow. I would move anywhere not to have to deal with snow and its hazards. Western Washington just had a snow storm followed by an icing over. Trees snapped all over the place. Right now, people are cleaning up the damage. To think that Florida had the white stuff…Is there no place to escape it? Thanks for sharing. Connie
http://7thandvine.wordpress.com/
Don’t you worry, Florida almost never (as in, once every five years) has snow and when it does it’s gone in about an hour. If you can stand the summers, you can escape the snow there!
Thanks for visiting!
Loved it. Funny I found it just after posting my own about winter: http://notjustsassyontheinside.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/a-northern-view-of-winter-in-the-south/
Ha, I just saw the note about southerners driving in the rain and remembered that in non-coastal Florida, they do pizza delivery in Category 1 hurricanes. For real. It’s great when your power goes out.
Thanks for coming by, and for linking!
Hysterical!! Love this!
Great post! Thank you for sharing!
…following your blog…
I think you get an award for best blog name ever. That’s fucking solid gold, dude. Thanks for coming by/following!
As a former northeastern Ohio resident who now lives in northern Florida I get the giggles every time there is a frost warning and everyone freaks out. You don’t have to shovel frost and the ground doesn’t freeze, so cover your plants and move on, is my attitude. Just remember you are providing entertainment for the natives of the area. At Kent State we had a great game called ‘watch the southerners learn to walk’. We weren’t trying to be mean, we had to learn too, we just did it in grade school when we bounced better.
Love your blog, and by the way you can waterproof wool, just good to a sporting goods ( hunting/fishing) store and ask for a waterproofing spray. Good Luck.
Thanks for the tip, I should look into that. My wool coat is awesome and warm, waterproofing would make it perfect.
Yeah, southerners totally freak out about freezes, but I do think it has a lot to do with the citrus and strawberry crops. All hell breaks loose if you can’t get your Florida’s Natural, dude.
Too true. Love Florida’s Natural.
Yes. All other OJs are simply flavored water.
As a life long native of Massachusetts I always find it interesting to see someone’s reaction to their first heavy snowfall snow when they are originally from a warm climate. My daughter moved to Texas to get married and she thinks its hilarious that people down there will call out of work over the occasonal dusting of snow when up here we think nothing of going out in a blizzard if we have stuff to do.
In all honesty, I have the same reactions to Southern Californians trying to drive in an average (read: ridiculously heavy) Florida thunderstorm. It’s like everyone suddenly forgets what a road is for.
Thanks for coming by!
Living in northeast Ohio, I am completely used to the snow. My roommate, however, is from Tennessee, so she’s still in complete awe when it snows (unfortunately, it hasn’t snowed much this year, so her amusement is sadly thwarted). She’s done exactly what you mentioned in your post each time the flakes have started falling.
Also, even people who have lived with the snow for years can’t drive competently in it. The second a flake hits the grass, not even the road, it seems people forget how to drive, regardless of their tenure in the area. I find this funny, because it’s not that much different from when everything’s green and dry. Except going 90 miles per hour down side streets probably isn’t a good idea (they barely plow and definitely don’t salt those…).
Funny post!
90 miles an hour sounds pretty bad no matter the weather! Good to know that others have issues with the snow driving. It’s really not the snow, it’s the concept of the roads icing up that freaks me out. We don’t live in an area with heavy snowfall, so I’m not entirely sure the streets get properly salted yet.
Thanks for coming by!
I AM FROM FLORIDA BORN AND RAISED IN PENSACOLA I CAN REALATE I SPENT SEVERAL YEARS OF MY EARLY TWENTIES IN JERSEY THE SNOW WAS SOMETHING VERY DIFFRENT AND COLD BUT THEM NORTHERN HONEYS KNOW HOW TO KEEP YOU WARM
… Good?
Thanks for dropping by.
Great post! I grew up in California, but moved to Seattle when I was in 6th grade. I remember the same feeling of wonder when it first snow… and then I remember getting a bit sick of it too. Now I live in the mid-atlantic and I hate when we do not get at least one snow day. Of course, I only want one and I want it to melt away quickly so there is less of a chance I have to go anywhere in it.
Yes, one or two snowy days a year would be wonderful. Just enough to get the snow, but not so much that you’re scraping it off your car every day and cursing weather.
Thanks for coming by.
I live in Massachusetts, and we’re used to snow, but there’s only been around 3 inches here. Last storm was around halloween!
We only got an inch or two, and it didn’t stick around. 😦 Man, I don’t know what I’d do with ‘only’ three inches of snow. Probably fulfill my childhood dreams of building a real snow fort or something equally ridiculous. Thanks for coming by!
Me too, I just visited a place that occasionally gets snow too and loved every minute of it, great post 🙂
I swear I’m like a three year old when it snows. It’s really lame. Thanks for commenting!
I’m still waiting for the snow over here in the UK!
My dad always used to complain about how cold and wet England was when they had so little snow. When I bitched about never having snow around Christmas as a kid, he’d always get all huffy and remind me that he didn’t either. Explains why he moved to Florida.
Thanks for dropping in!
I’m from Houston. What is snow?
It’s a legendary substance that falls from the sky. Where I’m from, there were rumors that it actually bleached your skin and that’s why white northerners were so pale, but I’ve since discovered this is a lie. 😉
Thanks for visiting!
Something like this happens when I sit to write a book.
At night, can’t fall asleep:
2am: Get up from bed, tear up a sheet (that’s after looking for a notepad and unsuccessful in finding one :D), and start scribbling what my crazy mind was showing me the past 2 hours since I lay down to fall asleep.
2:30am: I start writing. I become so passionate I write 10 chapters awn and awn and awn (each a page length)
3am: Okay dead end, book writing is too hard.
3:30am: Still lying in bed wondering and imagining the story in my head, only this time with Aliens and Invasion and Sci-Fi non-sensical stuff in it
4am: I sleep!
LOL
Nice work, my new friend!
ha when I read the first bit of this blog I thought you were saying it had snowed in Florida! I’m going to Florida at the end of this month and was really hoping it hadn’t snowed haha!Great blog
Going to Fl at the end of February? Don’t worry, that’s actually the best weather! Cool at night and high 60’s during the day, at least in the north. And, almost no rain.
Coming soon: “Driving in the show for Floridians”: a twenty-three part series 🙂
I think I can actually do it in one word: Don’t.
Thanks for visiting!
Loved reading your post!
I’m having kind of the opposite problem: I grew up in a snowy place where several feet of snow each winter are normal and now I’m trying to adjust to the warmer weather with hardly any snow (booh!)- and especially the wind…
I don’t think I could go back to a snowless area. Then again, this is my first winter and where I live now is hardly snowy – if I wind up in the Midwest or something I might change my mind. Thanks for coming by, and I hope some freak of nature storm brings you at least a little snow!
I still get my share of snow on the weekends, so it’s not all that bad for me.
Oh, and we got a little snow, so it seems your wish helped. Thanks!
Enjoy the snow while it lasts and have fun!
My husband (from Florida) and I (from Ohio) thoroughly enjoyed this snow tale. The first time it snowed in New York, he woke me up at 6am because it was snowing. He was really disappointed when I rolled over and went back to sleep, because he wanted to run out and play in the amazing movie miracle.
R is from Florida too, so when it finally stuck we went out and made snow men and had a snowball fight. It was 1 am. My poor neighbors.
Thanks for visiting!
I’m on my way south to escape the snow. It’s easier that way.
This is ridiculously funny. Too bad snow is nothing surprising for me.
Congrats on being FP! So exciting to see a blog that I’ve been following from the beginning get a big hit!
Thanks! It was a bit of a shock, all those hits at once… Oh well. And when internet fame finally arrives, you can always say you knew me before I was cool 😉
First, congrats on being Freshly Pressed. Your life is insane right now…I know. I, too, am from Florida and, upon visiting the Pacific Northwest for the first time encountered snow. In fact, it was the coldest day in over 60 years. Of course. During that visit, I threw a snowball at my husband because that’s what you do with snow. Right? We’re from Florida. We don’t know any better. He proceeded to smack me right in the head with a huge snowball. When I yelled, “Ow!” he said, “Yeah, it hurts doesn’t it?” Lesson learned. So much for the fun snowball fights I’d been imagining for years. Can I just say it’s really warm here right now and I’m not unhappy about it.
Oh dude, we totally threw snowballs. The trick is just aim for the torso, not for the head. Fun for everyone! (Okay, so it still hurt…)
Thanks for coming by!
Raincoats are for rain; not snow, silly.
While normally I totally agree, the snow was light enough that a raincoat would have been a better choice. The issue wasn’t warmth, it was the water because the snow was melting almost immediately upon hitting me. (My suspicion was confirmed when I saw the natives out in slickers instead of big, heavy snow-appropriate coats.)
Thanks for coming by! If I’m in heavier snow, I’ll be sure to not wear a raincoat. 🙂
this bit was my favorite…”Begin to realize that snow doesn’t fall straight down, it gets blown fucking everywhere
Including, but not limited to: up under your big coat hem, under your coat sleeves,* in your eye.”
as a transplant i understand how you feel and appriciate your effort at educating other Floridians! cheers!
xoxo
This experience really convinced me that I need to buy a coat that fits. I bought that one on sale almost ten years ago and didn’t care that it was actually six sizes too big for me until I got here and had to wear it every day this winter. The snow was the last straw! The things we transplants have to learn the hard way.
Thanks for reading!
LOL! I thought the post was going to be about snow in Florida! Laugh riot!
love reading your post really like it….superb
I live in Missouri, Snow, rain, tornados, blistering heat, huge hailstones, new madrid fault with the ever present possibility of a devastating earthquake felt all through the state, and quite possibly every type of weather that doesn’t involve the ocean. We are a bit short on oceans 😛 It seems like it would be awesome to experience that novelty. I can’t wait until I do when I see the ocean.