Hi everyone who just found this through Freshly Pressed! Thank you for visiting.
Edited a second time to add: There seems to be a wee bit of confusion. I’m from Florida but I recently moved to the Pacific Northwest. So no, Florida didn’t get a couple of inches of snow in the middle of the day, this is just my first winter in a place that occasionally gets snow.
Yesterday I made a brief trip to the library and the store during a short, pretty light snowstorm. I’m sure about 75% of you can accomplish this without utter confusion, but as I’m from Florida and my only real experiences with snow have been a) brief and b) of the “I’m on a mountain, gotta bundle up!” variety, it was an odd experience for me. As a public service to my fellow Floridians, I give you: Walking Outside While It’s Snowing for Floridians.
2:00 pm: Decide to run an errand
Look outside first and see that it is, lightly, snowing. Yay! As someone from sunny Florida, you have seen snow a grand total of four times in your life, so be excited. Get dressed as if you’re going outside on a non-snowy day: coat plus mittens, regular shoes.
2:01 pm: Wow, it’s snowing!
Bask in the awesomeness that is frozen water coming from the sky. Act like a three-year-old and attempt to catch snowflakes on tongue. Generally behave like a doofus.
2:03 pm: Realize it’s starting to snow a lot more heavily
Wow, the snow’s starting to come down pretty quickly, and in big, fat flakes. Whatevs, it’s still too warm for it to stay on the ground or anything.
2:04 pm: Begin to realize that snow doesn’t fall straight down, it gets blown fucking everywhere
Including, but not limited to: up under your big coat hem, under your coat sleeves,* in your eye.
2:05 pm: Make it to the library
Ah. Nice and warm in here. Now, what’s all this frozen water doing on your coat?
2:08 pm: Leave library, still think walking in the snow is cool
Who cares if you’re getting hit in the face with snowflakes and you are inexplicably damp? It’s snowing! That only happens in the movies!
2:09 pm: Remember snow is just fancy frozen rain
Realization will dawn after idly wondering why your sweater cuffs, mittens, pants and feet are a bit damp in spite of the fact that it isn’t raining. Curse the melting snow. It should stay pretty and frozen, like in the movies.
2:10 pm: Reach grocery store, see other customers, realize you are inappropriately attired
You should have at least put a fucking hat on, or some sort of waterproof top layer. The wool coat was just stupid. Boots would have been a smart move, too, you Southern idiot. Say a momentary prayer of thanks that you have only a few minutes to walk home and the snow is really light.
2:20 pm: Leave grocery store, realize snow is on the ground
Okay, so it’s only on the ground in the shade and on lighter colored cars, and it’s rapidly melting, but still: snow on the ground. Shit just got real. Avoid bending over and poking at it in front of other adults; unlike the snowflakes-on-the-tongue thing, this just makes you look mentally deficient. However, if there are only kids around, have at it.
2:21 pm: Remember you’re not from around here
When the sun comes out and it’s still snowing, everyone else will look up and think it’s awesome. But not you, because sunshowers are so common in Florida that you’re just like, “dammit, I should have brought my sunglasses along.”
2:22 pm: Get angry with nature
The snow has stopped. Boo, hiss, Mother Nature. Boo, hiss.
2:24 pm: Forget the most basic laws of physics
Wonder why, if it’s no longer snowing, there is water dripping on you from the trees. Remember high school physics and realize that snow, caught in trees, will melt once the sun comes out and dribble all over you. Curse your tree-lined route home.
2:26 pm: Forget that snow is frozen water for the one-millionth time in the past twenty-six minutes
Enter house still slightly snow-covered and completely forget to brush your jacket off outside until your husband tells you to stop dripping all over the dining room.
There you have it, fellow Floridians: prepare to make a complete ass of yourself the first time you venture out to do normal people things in snow. Also, wear a raincoat and a hat, like everyone else. Just saying.
*Why yes, my coat is comically too big, why do you ask?