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I’ve had some crazy-ass jobs in the past, but the things I overhear people say in retail are just fantastic. A few gems:

A mother to a young child who just pocketed something: “Oh sweetie, you know what putting things in your pocket when you’re in a store is called? It’s called stealing.

A father, carrying his baby daughter in a front sling was handing me cash for his purchase while I was ringing him up. His daughter reached into his wallet to grab a load of bills (say it with me in your best Mac voice: you go girl), to which he said: “No, no, honey. You’ll be snatching money from my wallet on the sly soon enough.”

Finally, we had an adult and his younger brother, who was probably about eight, come in and look at picture books of animals. The kid was asking about the animals, and I happened to catch this bit of awesome:

Kid: “What’s this?”

Adult: “That’s an oyster.”

Kid: “What’s an oyster?”

Adult, while giving incredulous side-eye to kid: “Um, really?”

Also, I received a phone call from a woman who wanted to know if we had “you know, little lambs that sing ‘Jesus Loves Me’ and… whatever.”

Okay, that’s all for today. I’m having a Christmas cookie freaking extravaganza tomorrow!

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